Symptoms of a Miscarriage and How to Cope with the Loss
When a woman finds out she is pregnant, there are many thoughts and feelings that race through her mind and body. Typically, there is excitement for those who were anticipating a pregnancy. But there is also a hint of fear; fear for labor, fear for raising a baby, and fear for miscarriage. All of those fears are valid. The most common one is the fear of not being able to hold this sweet baby from your womb.
First and foremost, a natural miscarriage is by no means anyone’s fault. If a miscarriage happens, many women blame themselves for doing something wrong that made this unfortunate event unfold. This couldn’t be further from the truth. And beating yourself up about it is not helpful in the grieving process either.
If you are curious to know the symptoms of a miscarriage or how to cope with a miscarriage, learn more about them below. Keep in mind that not every twinge and feeling you have is a sign of miscarriage. Do your best to stay calm and relaxed. If you believe you are experiencing a miscarriage, seek medical attention immediately.
What is a Miscarriage?
The true definition is the spontaneous loss of pregnancy before the 20th week. The research is unclear, but there are studies showing as many as 1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy loss. Currently, a miscarriage is believed to occur when the body feels the baby isn’t viable. This could be due to a mutation that occurred during those early weeks. Any number of genetic or chromosomal possibilities could occur that are out of your control.
Symptoms to look out for in pregnancy that could indicate miscarriage include vaginal bleeding or spotting, pain or cramping in your abdomen or lower back, and fluid or tissue passing from your vagina. These symptoms don’t have to occur all at once nor do you have to have all of the symptoms. Take note of any signs and contact your doctor if you experience any of these symptoms of miscarriage.
Miscarriage and Mental Health
What many people don’t realize is that a miscarriage has a tremendous impact on an expecting mother’s mental health, in addition to her family/support system. While many could argue an early miscarriage isn’t a person, the moment a mother finds out she is pregnant, she is already imagining holding this baby and planning its future. That baby is real and the loss of that baby is devastating. This directly impacts her mindset and mental health just as much as the loss of a breathing loved one impacts humans. It is a loss of a life.
As of January 1, 2023, the state of Illinois implemented the Family Bereavement Leave Act that covers negative events impacting pregnancy or fertility. This movement is a direct relief to the stigma against miscarriage and further shows how a miscarriage can severely impact a family.
5 Ways to Cope with Miscarriage
If you have experienced a miscarriage, I want to express my sincerest condolences to you and your family. The following ideas are ways to cope with the loss that will help you in this grieving period.
Talk to a Therapist
The best line of support during your grieving is to talk to a therapist. You will need time and space to process. Not that any of it will make sense, but you deserve to have your feelings, thoughts, and emotions validated from someone who isn’t emotionally involved in this event.
I am a licensed therapist specializing in maternal mental health. I help women during pregnancy, after, and during the grieving period of any loss in their life, especially in a miscarriage. If you desire to be heard, feel safe and supported, all you have to do is contact me for a free consultation and I will handle the next part.
Find a Support Group
Support groups have played important roles in coping and healing from tragic events, such as miscarriage. Connect with support groups in your area, find an online community that allows you to share your thoughts, and be honest about what you feel. There is great healing when you allow yourself to feel your true feelings and express your true thoughts.
Remember Baby
There is nothing wrong with talking about your baby. It isn’t taboo or anything. Talking about the baby is a way to remember them. Remembering is a healthy way to cope with a loss. Say the baby's name if you already had one picked out. Talk out loud to the baby about your day or that you miss them. It is okay to express yourself and keep your baby’s memory alive in your heart and home.
Unplug from Social Media
Social media could be a source of more grief if you aren’t careful. People who post pictures and videos about their live babies could be triggering. You may also be triggered by memory pictures that come up about your pregnancy. Stay connected to people you are closest to through phone calls, text, or email for a while before getting back to social media.
Give Yourself Grace
There is no time limit on grief. Give yourself all the grace in the world. There is no hurry to “get back to normal”. You are forever changed by this miscarriage. It is going to take time to sort yourself out and find the new you now. Take time for yourself and keep the communication open between yourself and those who care about you. You matter.
A Miscarriage is No One’s Fault
As painful as it feels to have lost this sweet baby, the last thing you should do is blame yourself. A miscarriage is a natural event that you cannot predict. Following a miscarriage, it is important to take time to ensure your body heals properly. Therefore, you should keep in close contact with your provider to watch over your health.
Don’t let your mental health go to the wayside during this time. Feel what you feel, but don’t do it alone. Truthfully, you are not alone. Reach out to a therapist like me who can help you navigate this journey. I am here and ready to help. Just one step on your part to fill out this contact form and your healing can begin.