Motherhood and the Holidays: Setting Boundaries for Your Mental Health
There is no sugarcoating it; the holidays are stressful all around. A time of year that is supposed to be filled with joy and happiness is quickly filled with stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. There are all the lists to check off, holiday events to attend, financial planning for purchases, and much more. This is how motherhood and the holidays become a sticky relationship.
Mothers want what is best for their children. They want to give their kids the most magical holiday season imaginable and make their dreams come true. It’s completely understandable. But it can also be problematic in multiple facets.
If you are a mom who is struggling mentally during the holiday season with the overwhelm and exhaustion, then it is time to do things differently this year. Find ways to actually enjoy the holiday season. Use the tips here to prepare for a peaceful holiday season as a mother.
Why Are the Holidays Stressful?
Motherhood and the holidays become a conundrum of stress because of the expectations that society places on moms. There are expectations to have pristine decorations, over the top gifts, and constant cooking and/or baking for everyone. If motherhood wasn’t stressful enough on a regular day, it is exacerbated during the holiday season. And mothers find themselves striving to do and have what society depicts as a perfect holiday season.
Holidays are also stressful financially. There are lists of gifts to buy people in the immediate family as well as extended family members. Then there are additional groceries to purchase for holiday meals and gatherings. It becomes a questionable time for mothers who cannot afford the extras and they begin to doubt themselves.
Motherhood and the Holidays Survival Tips
The good news is that motherhood and the holidays don’t have to be a negative combination anymore. Take a look at the tips below to begin taking back control of the holiday season.
Recognize Your Triggers
No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, there are triggers that can present themselves when you are faced with a situation that you are uncomfortable with. For some moms, too much noise can be a trigger. For other moms, too many people in a closed space can be a trigger.
Identify what your triggers are. If you aren’t sure yet, then pay close attention during the holiday season to things that make you feel on edge.
Identify Areas of Action
When you have identified what triggers you, then you can identify areas of action. If you are someone who is overstimulated by noise, that is something that can be partially controlled. You can’t control the noises from your children and surrounding family, but you can control things like the music playing in the background. You can also control your response to your trigger by removing yourself from the space for some time.
On the other hand, if you are someone who is triggered by small spaces, this might be a little harder to address. But there can still be areas of action here. Depending on the weather, suggest an outdoor dining set up, go for a walk when it feels too much for you, or simply excuse yourself to another room in the home for a break.
Make a Plan
Make a plan with family and friends who will be with you during the holidays. You aren’t being “over sensitive” to make your requests known. You are addressing things that will make your holiday more enjoyable. As a mother who serves everyone else on a daily basis, it’s not too much to ask to have some accommodations for yourself.
Make a plan of taking a break once an hour for a few minutes alone to help with triggers. Ensure your children have someone available to watch them while you tend to your needs. Make it known that you will avoid conversations that trigger you or small areas that make you uncomfortable. The holiday season can be about you, too. It doesn't have to be about you pleasing everyone else.
Set Boundaries
For your own mental health protection, it is important to set boundaries for motherhood and the holidays. Being transparent in what you will and will not tolerate can set the tone for the gatherings. This allows you the space to breathe and know that your boundaries have been set so there will be no surprises.
It also allows everyone else to know how they can help you during the holidays so that everyone can have a nice time together. You don’t have to apologize for any boundaries that you set to keep yourself safe and your children happy.
Communicate with a Therapist
If you are feeling uneasy about the holidays or if you don’t know how to set those boundaries, communicate with a therapist so that they can help you. Seeing a therapist will help identify triggers, areas of action, and how to set boundaries that take your mental health into consideration.
If you don’t have a therapist yet, I would love the opportunity to connect with you over a free consultation call. I am a therapist specializing in maternal mental health. My goal is to help women find a healthy state of mind. Mothers who experience depression and anxiety have successful breakthroughs when they work with me.
Moms Also Deserve Magic During the Holidays
Motherhood and the holidays doesn’t mean it’s time to make everyone else happy except yourself. It doesn’t mean going above and beyond exhaustion. It means time for reflection, time to slow down, and time for joy.
If you find it hard to be a mom during the holidays, now is the time to take action. Not only do you deserve a happier state of mind to enjoy the holidays, but your family also deserves a happy you. The holidays are a special time for everyone.
Set yourself up for success during the holidays by partnering with me, a therapist who can help you identify what you can do to have a magical season. Your holiday season will be even more magical when your mind is at peace.