Anxiety and ADHD in Mothers: When Being a Mom Seems Impossible

Studies are showing that 70% of mothers with ADHD are also suffering with a mood or anxiety disorder. It’s safe to say that mothers with ADHD and anxiety are fighting an uphill battle that they don’t often have the tools to fight against. Anxiety and ADHD in mothers is presenting itself more and more in patients I am seeing in my own therapy practice.

The majority of children who are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD have been boys stemming from a young age. Many of the girls who had it didn’t present such obvious symptoms and have therefore been overlooked. Now, under the weight and pressure of keeping things together as a mother with all of the moving parts of a family, mothers find they can no longer cope the same way they have been used to doing their whole lives.

If you are someone who is a mother suffering with anxiety and ADHD, let me be the first to reassure you that you are not alone. As I am seeing more moms in this same challenging state, I can assume there are other practices seeing a rise across the country as well. The good news is that there are ways to cope.

What is ADHD?

Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, also known as ADHD, is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders that is seen in children. There are several symptoms that a child can display if they are experiencing ADHD. Those symptoms could include being absent minded, aggressive, fidgety, impulsive, hyperactive, difficulty focusing, short attention span, and more. Some children will display a variety of symptoms.

While ADHD is typically diagnosed in childhood, there are countless adults who have gone on without a diagnosis or treatment for a large part of their lives. Now that they are experiencing increased responsibilities such as having children, their coping structure isn’t working. ADHD in adults is becoming more common.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is something every person faces at one point in their lives. It can present itself in an anxious moment such as having to give a speech in front of a crowd. On the other hand, it could be an anxiety disorder that presents itself daily. Anxiety can be crippling to many.

Symptoms of an anxiety disorder include sweating, tense, restless, irritable, rapid heart rate, or feeling uneasy. Some anxiety disorders go as far as becoming full on panic attacks that could keep a person from living a normal life. Anxiety is usually treated with medication and/or talk therapy.

Coping with Anxiety and ADHD in Mothers

Anxiety and ADHD in mothers means a whole new way to cope in families. Live to the best of your abilities despite these challenges and learn how to cope.

Communicate with Your Family

No matter how many children you have, keeping that line of communication open with your family is key to coping with anxiety and ADHD. If your children are old enough to understand, talk to them about ADHD. Explain to them how it makes you feel, how hard you try each day to feel your best, and how they can help you.

Additionally, it’s important to lean on your support system, such as your spouse, parents, extended family members, and even friends. Having people you can talk to when you are doubting yourself or having a really hard day can help with the guilt and shame you might be feeling. They can also be people you look to for help.

Identify Challenging Areas

Everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses. Anxiety and ADHD in mothers comes with a whole other level of challenges. These could be trouble remembering appointments, forgetting you are holding onto your child’s backpack as they head into school, or not remembering the task you were on your way to complete.

Whatever areas of challenge you typically have, identify them. This gives you an idea of areas you might want to focus harder on or delegate to your spouse or other members of your support system. There is nothing wrong with admitting our shortcomings– they help us become the people we want to become.

See a Therapist

Having a professional to talk to can often be a relief in itself. Just hearing someone tell you that you aren’t crazy or that you aren’t a screw up when things get messy can make all the difference. 

Seek a therapist who specializes in this area so that they can help you through this. You won’t be magically cured. However, you will gain confidence and become stronger in who you are as a mother with anxiety and ADHD.

Be Consistent

Even on the best days, being consistent can be difficult. Make it part of your routine to do certain tasks. This will help with forgetfulness and give you a sense of accomplishment each day. Start small and master being consistent with little things around the house. When you are ready, you can begin taking on more.

Give Yourself Grace

Lastly, and most importantly, give yourself grace. You are not a screw up and you are not failing as a mother. You did not choose to have a neurodevelopmental disorder. But, here you are making the most of it and leaning into the gifts that ADHD gives you. 

Coupled with anxiety, your sense really becomes heightened and makes you the best mom to your kids. Don’t forget *pun intended* that you deserve grace.

Motherhood with Anxiety and ADHD is Hard, Not Impossible

Some days, motherhood seems impossible with the endless lists, constant needs of others, and exhaustion. Mothers are referred to as Super Heroes. While that is typically meant as a compliment, it also identifies how hard moms are working. Each day, you are faced with a new set of challenges as a parent. Combine that with ADHD and anxiety, it’s safe to say you need ways to cope and alleviate some of the stress.

Unfortunately there isn’t a magic wand you can wave that will make this challenge go away. But that doesn’t mean you are doomed. Anxiety and ADHD in mothers can open up opportunities for your family that you might not have considered otherwise.

Use the suggestions here to cope with anxiety and ADHD during your motherhood journey. If you are ready to take action that includes improvements in your quality of life, then let’s chat! As a licensed therapist who specializes in helping mothers, I would love the opportunity to work with you. Click here to set up a free consultation and let’s make a plan together to get you on a healthier mental health journey.