Healing After Miscarriage: How Your Partner Can Help
Suffering from a miscarriage can impact multiple pieces of your life. There is no sugar coating it; a miscarriage can be a traumatic event in a woman’s life. What’s more is that although you likely feel the loss on a more extreme level, the other people in your support group also feel the loss. Healing after a miscarriage includes relationship healing as well.
In a miscarriage, it is normal to want to have answers for why this happened. When we as humans don’t have a logical explanation for something, it’s difficult to move on from. A miscarriage is one of those instances where no one is to blame and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.
While you want answers as to why this happened and you may want to know what you did to deserve this, it’s also a time of patience. During this grieving process, no matter how long that is for you, healing after a miscarriage is an ongoing process.
What is a Miscarriage?
A natural miscarriage occurs when a woman’s body does not believe that an early pregnancy is viable. This could be due to a mutation that occurs in those early weeks. The body has its own instruction manual for determining a viable pregnancy.
The body’s own natural defense mechanism is to stop the process of the pregnancy if the growing baby has too many or too few chromosomes or if there is another defect that took place. It is no one’s fault when it happens.
Most miscarriages occur before the second trimester, but there are also miscarriages that can occur up to 20 weeks gestation.
5 Ways Your Partner Can Help After Miscarriage
Women who have experienced miscarriage do not need to suffer alone. Healing after miscarriage includes making a plan with your partner.
Communication
Partners need to keep that line of communication open. There needs to be a space for you to be able to share your feelings, thoughts, and your pain. The partner’s job is to allow that space and time for you to let it all out. Encourage your partner to share their feelings as well.
As the partner, you may go through a time of feeling helpless because there is nothing you can do to fix the situation. Keep in mind, saying things like “At least we can try for another baby” won’t be helpful. This loss will always be part of her story and no other baby will ever replace the one she has lost.
Cooking
It sounds silly, but partners can take over the cooking to help you get rest and promote healing after miscarriage. Your body will go through an internal healing process and you will need to keep up your strength for that. In addition, you will need to replenish the nutrients you have lost during this experience.
Ask your partner to take over the cooking if you find you cannot do it. Grief has a way of making people feel like they don’t have the energy or the drive to cook, let alone the appetite to eat. Take away the hard parts when possible and ask your partner to cook instead.
Space and Time
There is no time limit on grief. Your partner giving you the space and time to grieve will be tremendous to your healing. There is nothing worse than feeling like someone is pressuring you to move on and get over such a loss and a trauma. This only worsens your feelings emotionally and mentally.
If your partner needs a reminder, ask them to give you time and space to process and grieve. Everyone handles grief differently. If you need your partner close by to help you heal, then tell them this. On the flip side, if you need to be alone sometimes, make that known as well. You are not obligated to make anyone else feel comfortable with your grieving process.
Encourage Outside Support
You may feel like you are handling the grief fine. However, give your partner permission to help you even more by looking for encouragement outside of your home. This could be in the form of finding a maternal mental health therapist for you, inviting close family or friends over to just keep you company, or finding a support group for you to join.
The more your partner can help you find the resources, the less stress you will have on your plate. You are already struggling just keeping up with the day. Your partner’s support with encouraging outside support will be beneficial.
A maternal mental health therapist like myself can give you a safe and productive place to grieve and process your loss. There is no judgment ever. You can always count on me for support, encouragement, and educational information about how you continue on in your life while never forgetting this baby.
Keep Busy
If you need space to be alone, ask or suggest to your partner for them to keep busy doing a hobby or work. Sometimes partners want to be right there to help with healing after a miscarriage. It could feel overbearing to have them huddled around you constantly.
Don’t be afraid to ask for that space if you need it. Send them off to a movie, have them plan a night out, or encourage them to find a hobby that gives you a designated time each week to be alone.
Your Partner is an Important Part of Healing After a Miscarriage
One of the most important things to remember during this tragic time is that you are not alone. As lonely, empty, and devastated as you are right now, you are not going through this alone. Lean on your partner to help you heal. Get outside help with a therapist. This experience will be difficult to go through, but it will not be the end of your story.
Schedule your free consultation with me to begin healing after a miscarriage. Your mental health can take you down a dark hole faster than any other disease in this world. Let me help you from slipping down there and let’s walk this path together. You and your partner deserve a chance to have brightness in your life again following a miscarriage.